Placing It at His feet

So much of life is totally out of our control.  We worry and stress over situations that we really cannot impact on our own.   I love the reminder that worry is like a rocking chair.  We use a lot of energy making it move, BUT we don't really go anywhere!!  

Monday, we had one of those "out of control" situations  at our clinic.  Before anyone came to work, there was a mom at our gate in labor.  I got there as soon as possible.  She had been in labor for 12 hours already, but she was pretty to delivery.  Her baby's heart rate was ok, but when I ruptured her membranes there was indication that baby was a bit distressed.  She had a little difficulty pushing him out, but as soon as I could check his neck, I found the reason.  The umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around ...TWICE.  I was able to loosen it and deliver him, but my little man would NOT BREATHE.  He had a good heartbeat but no movement, and no attempts to breathe on his own.  WE started to re-cessitate him with an AMBU bag and oxygen.  His heart was going along great.... but no efforts to move or breathe.  We checked his blood sugar, got him warmed up....everything was good but still no attempt to breathe.  I was breathing for him but no movement or grimacing or anything.  AN occasional gasp gave us encouragement.  As we got mom stabilized and prepared to transfer him to the Special Care Nursury at our nearby hospital, we got a few more attempts to breathe.  A gasp here...a gasp there....but nothing consistent.  The oxygen and recessitation kept his oxygen levels ok but he needed to breathe on his own.  NO ventilators here.  NO cpap here.  Only ambu bags and manual breathing.  

I had to leave our little man in the capable hands of our dear friends at the nursery.  We are gifted with great Peds Drs!!  But their supplies and their equipment are limited and archaic, sadly .  

I prayed with little man before I left him, and then went out to let the very tired and distressed mama waiting on a bench outside the nursery  know what was going on.  I hugged Hega and prayed with her.  Her little one's life was on the fine line between life and death.  

Later that day our little guy started to breathe, but still no movement.  He was pink and had a great heart beat but no movement or pupil response.  He had periods of not breathing still, and his oxygen saturation went to the 60% mark, so they put him in a little oxygen plastic hood like contraption, but still no real movement.  

HE has gone on like this all week.  His breathing is noisy.  They have not been able to get an xray yet.  (power surges took out the xray machine function sadly).  WE are assuming the cord was compressed inutero/delivery.     

I visited him and his mommy yesterday.   I went in and prayed with our little bud.  He is very weak and tiny now.  They have limited fluids and feedings for him.  I brought food and prayed with his worried,tired  mommy. 

There is literally nothing we can do physically. .....but we can do much through prayer.  We are laying these two at the FEET of the ONE able to heal or to just release our tiny little one into the perfection of heaven.  WE are praying for God's best for him and for comfort in either answer for his family.  

WE hold medicine and fight hard for life, but WE DONT HOLD LIFE.  

  The entire time Bill has been gone to the USA we have not had our family vehicle functioning.  IT is older and literally beaten , sadly , apart.  WE live OFF ROAD, here.  Our vehicles take a hard beating on very rough roads every single day as our ministry is in remote Bena and even the roads in our towns are rough at best.  

WE finally got the part we needed to get our car fixed.....and there was another issue again.  UGH.  It is just DONE!  So sorry for our faithful BLUE friend.  

WE have a great mechanic on our team who works so hard to keep our vehicles running, but his work load is very overwhelming at best.  An old tired car just adds to his load, sadly. 

In the meantime, we have only our ambulance.  It also is now being overworked as our only vehicle.  

I daily have to put into the Lord's Hand my concerns of using our vehicle intended to care for our clinic needs as our family vehicle.  It carries dead bodies from the morgue to the village...the literal registration title of ambulances in PNG is HERSE 🙂...bleeding or sick people to the hospital for admission...injured bleeding people from the village to our clinic for repair....LOTS OF YUCK and NASTY is in that vehicle every single day.   And now, that same vehicle carries our workers, our family and our groceries, too.  We have needed it for an emergency transfer and it is out getting food at our open market because my 10 kids needed food to eat!!  My stress level and frustration has been pretty high over that situation.  

WE NEED A NEW VEHICLE!   But God has not provided for that HUGE NEED yet.  HE sees my anxiety.  He sees the danger for us and for people in urgent emergency need.  WE can not do anything humanly to speed up our need of having an ambulance that is designated for THAT purpose only....but we can put it at HIS FEET.  

I've been very sick this past week.  My body aches, fevers and hacking cough have weakened me.  I have a huge workload with Bill being GONE.  Clinic, church ministry, family, baby ministry, meals and lunches for school, all the shopping it's overwhelming when I'm feeling great.  Right now, weak and miserable, its just drowning me.

God has seen my weakness.  He's seen my struggle.  I've placed it at His feet.

This week I was stabbed in the back.  It never gets easier when people take advantage of you, especially when they are brothers and sisters in the faith.  

Our precious Taisen was the baby of one of our Pastor's young girls.  She was 16, and made a wrong choice in her life with an innocent human consequence.   She came begging for help to abort.  WE offered help with her pregnancy and delivery and help to find a good home for her unwanted baby.  

We do not offer free baby sitting so that young girls can deliver their baby and go back to their fun, carefree life while we work hard and provide for all the needs of their babies.   We feel that feeling the consequence of their wrong decision and the hard work of parenting is important to help them not repeat the mistake.  But we offer foster care to place a baby in Christian homes, or care for physical needs of the mom or baby.  

This family "said"  they wanted to place the baby for foster care and adoption, but reality was that they had hidden agendas.  They wanted us to work hard to provide free care so that they could place him in the arms of an unsaved relative who provides financial help for them.   That is not what we do...at all!!  

So we had to release our precious baby to a family that is really not capable of caring for him safely.  It ripped my heart in two.  They have legal rights over him, but now he is a part of my heart.  I struggle with concern for his safety and care.  Formula is very expensive.  They are serving in a church a long distance from town. Their water is not clean.  I do not put bottles in such places for a reason.  I begged them if they wanted to keep the baby to just insist their daughter breast fed him, but she refused and they lied to me.  

God sees my hurt.  Jesus knows of betrayal.  Judas scammed him, too, yet he still loved, and forgave.  I'm struggling and could use prayer to help me make the right choice in my heart to release this baby and his grandparents into the Lord's Hands.  It's a daily choice right now and battle. Im placing my sweet Taisen at Jesus' feet!!

My sweetheart was supposed to be on his way home to me right now.  I was holding on all week pleading in prayer that it would be so.....but NOPE.  Delays.  Still no container to be filled.  Bill has everything ready to be loaded.  WE are JUST WAITING for the container to come, then he will purchase his ticket and come home to me.  

I'm tired.  I'm lonely.  I'm missing my life partner and ministry mate.  

But God knows the right time.  There is still a little space unfilled in the container.  Maybe God has a big blessing that is not ready to be loaded yet?   My honey is exhausted.  There are some big issues awaiting my field leader Love when he returns.  Maybe his heart and body and spirit need some rest before he faces all that will be awaiting him when he gets here?  

I'm placing my need for him to be here at the feet of Jesus!  God's perfect time will be best.  He will renew my strength and His mercies will be enough while I wait.  

I'm so thankful that we can trust, release, and place our burdens at Jesus' feet.  Then as we let them go, truly His burden is easy, and HIS YOKE is light!  Thank you, Jesus.  I needed that!!!!


No restraint, no retreat.....NO REGRET!!

Bill in the USA.  Lori, the boys and babies in PNG

Prayer Requests

1.  Clinic funds to operate as cost go up especially since we have not received normal help from Government.  need about  $15,000  a month.

2. Replacement of Vehicle.- Our Land cruiser i   15 years old with  265,000 kms on rough road.   We need about   $40,000 to replace the vehicle. (we have $5000)